Forgiving Others

The weather was amazing today, so I decided to take my kids to the park. After launching rockets with our rocket launcher, the kids wanted to go play on the playground. I watched both of them run and climb up the rock wall to the top of the tower. They then crossed a bridge and went down the slide. As they began to climb up the playground again, another family joined us. The other mom was pushing a stroller with a baby and toddler while her older three boys walked beside her (One of her boys was close to my son's age. The other two were a few years older). The mom then sat on the bench and the kids ran to play as she called someone on her phone.

My son was ecstatic that "friends" we're there. He ran over to them and started talking to them about playing a game. As I helped my other child up a ladder, I heard the oldest boy ask my son, "What's wrong with the way you talk? Do you want to marry a boy or something?" My son said, "Nothing's wrong." Then started moving closer to them. The boys started running away from him. My son thought it was a game of chase. The older one said, "Stay away." My son continued thinking it was a game and went after them.

My momma heart was so upset and angry. I told my kids it was time for dinner, and we had to go. My son waved bye to the boys as we left. His innocence made it even harder. In the car, my son asked why I was mad, and if he was in trouble. I told him I was mad at the boys for being mean. I told him he wasn't in trouble, and I was proud of him for making friends (socialization/ friend making has been something we have worked on). I left it at that.

Later, as we prayed, my son prayed for his new friends to be nice to people. Then he thanked God for friends.

Tonight as I sit here, I know I have to forgive these boys. They are just children. The little ones were following the example of the older one. The older one has learned a lack of compassion and acceptance from somewhere. It might be from a lack of parenting since mom was on the phone, or observation from others in this world. This child has no idea how thankful I am that my child has a voice. He doesn't know how I cried and prayed for my child to speak again once he lost his voice. He has no idea how many therapy hours we have been through to get where we are today. And even if he did, he is a child and most likely wouldn't fully understand the harm of his words. I wish at that moment I wouldn't have been so angry. I wish I could have talk to him about love and compassion. I hope someone in his life does. 

But for tonight, I am thankful that my child did not understand what this child was saying and doing. I am thankful that my son thought it was just a game. I am thankful for his innocence. At the same time, I worry. I worry about the day when he does understand when others are mean to him. I know that day will break my heart even more. 

But tonight, I let go. I forgive.