Forgiving Others

The weather was amazing today, so I decided to take my kids to the park. After launching rockets with our rocket launcher, the kids wanted to go play on the playground. I watched both of them run and climb up the rock wall to the top of the tower. They then crossed a bridge and went down the slide. As they began to climb up the playground again, another family joined us. The other mom was pushing a stroller with a baby and toddler while her older three boys walked beside her (One of her boys was close to my son's age. The other two were a few years older). The mom then sat on the bench and the kids ran to play as she called someone on her phone.

My son was ecstatic that "friends" we're there. He ran over to them and started talking to them about playing a game. As I helped my other child up a ladder, I heard the oldest boy ask my son, "What's wrong with the way you talk? Do you want to marry a boy or something?" My son said, "Nothing's wrong." Then started moving closer to them. The boys started running away from him. My son thought it was a game of chase. The older one said, "Stay away." My son continued thinking it was a game and went after them.

My momma heart was so upset and angry. I told my kids it was time for dinner, and we had to go. My son waved bye to the boys as we left. His innocence made it even harder. In the car, my son asked why I was mad, and if he was in trouble. I told him I was mad at the boys for being mean. I told him he wasn't in trouble, and I was proud of him for making friends (socialization/ friend making has been something we have worked on). I left it at that.

Later, as we prayed, my son prayed for his new friends to be nice to people. Then he thanked God for friends.

Tonight as I sit here, I know I have to forgive these boys. They are just children. The little ones were following the example of the older one. The older one has learned a lack of compassion and acceptance from somewhere. It might be from a lack of parenting since mom was on the phone, or observation from others in this world. This child has no idea how thankful I am that my child has a voice. He doesn't know how I cried and prayed for my child to speak again once he lost his voice. He has no idea how many therapy hours we have been through to get where we are today. And even if he did, he is a child and most likely wouldn't fully understand the harm of his words. I wish at that moment I wouldn't have been so angry. I wish I could have talk to him about love and compassion. I hope someone in his life does. 

But for tonight, I am thankful that my child did not understand what this child was saying and doing. I am thankful that my son thought it was just a game. I am thankful for his innocence. At the same time, I worry. I worry about the day when he does understand when others are mean to him. I know that day will break my heart even more. 

But tonight, I let go. I forgive.

Down Syndrome, A Blessing

Before I was born, my grandmother gave birth to an adorable brown eyed boy. She named him, George, after his father. At one of his first check ups the doctor confirmed that baby Georgie had Down Syndrome. The doctor gave her options and even asked her if she wanted to keep the baby. Even though she knew the road ahead would not be easy, she wanted to take it.

 My grandmother to this day would tell you that Georgie is one of the best things that ever happen to her. He taught her that life doesn't have to be perfect and that there is always a reason to celebrate. When my grandmother was left a widow, Georgie gave her reason to keep going and has been her companion.

Georgie not only has blessed my grandmother's life but has affected everyone in our family. My mom developed a love for special needs children and became a special needs teacher. All of Georgie's nieces and nephews have developed great compassion, love, and understanding for the special needs community.

Our family would not be the same without Georgie. We are so thankful that God blessed us with him and gave us reasons to celebrate each day.

Sensory Processing Awareness

I remember when I started noticing things going on with my child. When other people noticed too, I was the queen of excuses. I loved saying he was shy when he would crawl into a quiet space on the playground to hide. I wanted to believe others when they said it was just a phase, but something in my heart knew that we needed help.

The therapist helped me work through my feelings and taught me how I could best help my child. A big part of helping my child was education. Reading about Sensory Processing Disorder and becoming an expert has helped me advocate for my child and get his needs met.
This month is Sensory Processing Awareness month. Here are some basics about the disorder:

All kids with Autism have Sensory Processing Disorder, but not all kids with SPD have Autism; some might have anxiety, ADD/ADHD, or behavior disorders. SPD can cause developmental delays. Children with SPD when overstimulated will respond with flight (run away), fright (freeze), or fight (hit, bite, kick, yell). They are not bad or misbehaving children. They are trying to deal with everything going on around them. Children with SPD do not grow out of it. It is not a phase, but with therapy and intervention, children can learn coping strategies and get help on how their body responds to taking in sensory information.

Some signs of Sensory Processing Disorder include: having trouble focusing, complaining about light or shielding eyes, chewing on everything or mouthing things, handwriting struggles or poor fine motor skills, sitting in W position, moving clumsily or coordination/gross motor difficulties, hearing everything too loud or wanting to play sound too loud, clothing hurts or wants clothes tight, eating difficulties ( gags on different textures or picky eater), hearing difficulties, and touching others too hard or avoiding touch.

A person with SPD will not show all of these signs. There is a large spectrum of this disorder. It can look different on different people. Some are sensory seekers, others are sensory avoiders, and some are both.

If you know in your heart something is wrong, I encourage you to talk to your doctor or occupational therapist. The sooner you get help, the faster your child can learn how to self regulate their system.

Developmental Coordination Disorder

When my son was three, we were told he was of age to get a formal diagnosis. We went to a developmental center where he was given extensive tests by specialists. One of his diagnosis was Developmental Coordination Disorder.

Developmental Coordination Disorder also known as DCD is a neurological disorder. It is common in Sensory Processing Disorder and affects motor planning and coordination. One big struggle he had was putting movements together. For example, he could kick a ball if he was standing still, but struggle with running to kick a ball. He would trip when running or he would miss the target. When he went after a ball, it would remind me of Charlie Brown running to kick a football. My son had bad timing, poor balance, trouble coordinating steps together, and trouble with spatial awareness.

Upon getting this diagnosis, we increased his time in Physical Therapy. For three years he worked hard developing strength, coordination, and balance. Recently, he tested out of Physical Therapy. Even though he still struggled with some tasks, he has shown amazing improvement.

Today when I picked him up at school, his class was finishing PE. The task was running a mile. I got to watch my son in perfect running form cross the finish line first. Yes, you heard me right, FIRST! I was in tears. I was just so proud. What a testimony this little miracle boy is! He certainly is an overcomer destined for greatness.

Try Something New Everyday

One thing that my children struggle with is change. Change is what causes their anxiety and meltdowns. One thing that our family has done to help our children with change or newness is adopting a saying at our house, “Try something new every day.” Last week my son’s speech therapist said that during feeding therapy, my son encouraged another child to try something new with the saying, “Try something new every day.” It made me smile. Here is a list that we have gone over with our children to encourage them to try a change or new thing:

·        Meet a new friend

·        Say hi or talk to a new person

·        Try a new food

·        Go to a new place

·        Explore a new activity

·        Try a new hobby

·        Watch a new show

·        Play with a new toy

·        Try on different types of clothes

·        Read a new book

·        Add something new or take something out of your schedule

Encouraging our kids to try new things has helped us explore the word change in a positive light. I hope this idea will help your child too.

Sometimes, We Just Need a Change of Environment

When most kids hear summer break, they get super excited. For my son, it is scary. Summer break means a new schedule with new activities and new people. The change is too much. Last summer, it took him a full month to lower his anxiety, stimming, and meltdowns. By the time he loved summer, we had to prepare for school to start. Too bad he can’t be in year round school.

The hard part about summer time is that people are coming and going due to vacations and most activities are flexible with different kids each week. For a child that struggles with change this is a nightmare.

This week, we walked into gymnastics and my son immediately was covering his ears and yelling too loud. I asked him what was too loud. He couldn’t tell me. All I heard was some people talking. I took off his shoes and socks. Then he said, “Too many people. “ There were only five kids in the gym, so I think he meant too many new people since we did not know any of them. He then ran under and chair, started making noises and rocking. I pulled him out, and told him I would go into the gym with him. I could feel his little heart racing.

We went into the gym and my almost six year old sat on my lap. I gave him deep pressure hugs. The teacher asked him to say his name and do a trick. All he could do was make humming noises. It is like the language won’t come out when he has reached this stage of anxiety. He couldn’t move either. After all the kids introduced themselves, the coach got my son to sit with him. I went out to the observation room. About a minute later, my son was next to me. I asked him if it was too much. I told him that we could go home. We said he wanted to stay, but then he curled up in fetal position and started rocking and humming. I could tell that this was escalating fast. I gave him a choice to go into the gym or go home. When he couldn’t choose, we headed home.

This was the hardest day this summer. Most of the time, he will warm up after ten to fifteen minutes and start participating. I look back on the situation and start doubting myself: I should have stayed in the gym with him longer, it is because he is tired from too many activities, I should have let him stim until he was ready (although that might have led to a meltdown if the stimming didn’t calm him). His anxiety did finally calm after crying it out at home. He really needed a new environment where he wouldn’t be over-stimulated.

Yesterday I went over the scenario with our occupational therapist. She gave me a great idea. She said, "Instead of going home to calm him, take him to the bathroom. It is usually quiet there. You wet a paper towel, and put it on his face and arms to give him some calming sensory input. You can also hold him and give him deep pressure. This will help calm him and prepare him for his class."

I loved this idea. Next week, we are going to try it, and see if it helps lower his anxiety. I have also started putting a citrus blend of essential oils on his feel to help with transitioning into summer. Hopefully, our summer will become easier soon.

Self Monitoring: How is Your Engine Running

One thing we work on with our children is self monitoring how they are feeling. This helps them learn how to gain control of their feelings to prevent meltdowns. The self monitoring program we use at home is an ABA tool called “How is your engine running?”

This tool compares your body and the way it is feeling to an engine in a car. When the child’s engine is running low, the child may feel tired, sad, or lonely. When the engine is just right, the child is happy and their body feels good. When the engine is running high, the child might be excited, angry, anxious, scared, or overwhelmed.

To help my kids self monitor with this tool, we made a visual. You can find several examples of these visuals online. It looks like a gauge with a moveable arrow (green- low, yellow- just right, and red- high). 

Once the child is able to recognize their feelings, they can learn how to get in the middle of the gauge to feeling just right. For example, if the child’s engine is low, they might need a nap, hug, crunchy or sour snack, or movement activity to get them to just right. If the child’s engine is high, they might need a break, deep pressure (weighted blanket/ vest), hug, calming music, fidget, or movement.

Using this tool in our house has been a huge blessing. It has helped my children express their feelings/ needs and learn tool on how to self regulate. I hope this tool can help your child too.

Reflecting on Therapeutic Riding

Last Month, while driving, my two year old daughter yelled, "Pretty horse, I want horse." My son immediately looked at her, and said, "Sissy, a horse is lots of work. They have big poop that you have to shovel. You have to get them dressed and undressed. You have to brush them. You have to clean their shoes. You have to walk them. You have to give them food and water. You have to fix their boo boo and give them a treat. It is a lot of work to have a pretty horse."

I was amazed at what he said. He has learned so much about responsibility and has gained so much confidence through Horses for Healing. It is such an incredible program. It is neat to look back and see how far he has come.

When my son was almost two, he lost his language and began to withdraw after being sick for a couple weeks with high fevers. After speech therapy for a year, he started speaking in phrases again, although, it was hard to understand what he was saying.

It was during this time that we started therapeutic riding. Now, after a little more than two years, he is speaking in conversation and his words are clearer. The movement of the horse helps him pace himself while talking. He is making better eye contact and feels more confident engaging with others after spending time here engaging with the volunteers and other riders.

I am so thankful for this program and the strides the horses are making in the kids lives. With every lesson, my son is getting physically and mentally stronger. The things the kids are learning here, such as, responsibility, confidence, and engaging with others will not just help them today, but throughout their lifetime.

Needing Oral Input Can Be Dangerous

This week has been a scary week for our family. On Mother’s Day Night, my son started having projectile vomit. Throughout the night, he threw up 16 times. The next morning we ended up in the ER. He had to have an IV due to dehydration. The doctor then gave him zofran to stop the vomit. The vomit stopped, but then he had explosive diarrhea. After having 12 episodes of diarrhea in 8 hours with no urine, he had to have another IV. After three days, it still wasn’t slowing down. He was x-rayed, given a CT scan, had 5 blood tests, a urine sample, and two stool cultures. The doctors finally concluded that it was the rotavirus. Because it is a virus, my son has to let it run its course with no antibiotic. The doctors have been actively monitoring his blood count, hydration levels, and kidney function now for six days. It has been very scary.

So how did he get it, and how can you prevent your child from getting it?

The virus lives in the infected person’s stool. It is spread by people not washing their hands properly, and then touching things that you might touch or eat. The virus actually lives on a surface for ten days. If you touch the virus or if an object touches the virus, and it is placed in your mouth, within 48 hours you will start showing symptoms.

You can prevent it from spreading by:

·        Keeping the infected person at home until they have normal stools for 48 hours.

·        Practice good hygiene with hand washing before preparing food, eating meals and after using the restroom.

·        Spray your toilet with Lysol after someone has diarrhea.

·        Do not let your child eat food that has fallen off the floor. People walk in the bathroom and then walk all over the floor spreading germs.

·        If your child needs oral input, have things your child can safely chew on, and store them properly.

·        Keep your child’s hands out of their mouth.

For a child that needs oral input, I am shocked that we haven’t got it sooner. My son loves to mouth tables, chairs, and playground equipment. From now on, I am going to be more cautious and remind him to chew on his chewy only. I just wanted to inform other parents about this in case you also have a child that seeks oral input on objects out in public.

After seven days of this horrible virus, I can say that my son is feeling better. Even though we are not in the 48 hour period yet, he is finally having less stomach issues in a day.

If you have a baby, I also learned that there is a vaccine to help decrease the effects of this virus. IT IS WORTH LOOKING INTO.

Every Child Matters

Recently, I made a choice to tutor a group of special needs children in reading. When I came to this choice, a friend asked me, “Why are you going to do this?”

She asked a great question. I can also think of several reasons why not to do this. I mean, I have never taught beginner readers how to read, let alone special needs children. Even though I am a reading specialist, I am used to helping children that already have the basics down. It will take a lot of research and time working with younger children to find good resources. But, these kids are worth it, and I believe I can make a difference. Even if it is only three kids, I will do it one child at a time because everyone of them matters. I plan to just meet them where they are, and send them soaring as far as they can go.

The only way I can truly describe my decision is found in the story of the starfish:

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions. 

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea.  The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning!  May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!”

adapted from The Star Thrower, by Loren Eiseley (1907 – 1977)

You Are Making a Difference

Today I want to honor all "Therapy Moms".

They are moms that do without, so their child can make progress in their development.  

They stand by their child through all of their struggles.

They search for answers.

They never give up.

They do their best to motivate their child.

They hurt for their child when things are rough and other people don’t understand.

They sometimes feel alone in their child’s struggles, but never give up the fight.

They give tirelessly to their child offering support and love.

They are some of the strongest moms I know!

Happy Mother's Day, Therapy Moms!

You are appreciated and loved.

You are making a difference in your child’s life.

Reading Comprehension Strategies

The other day I was approached by a friend who told me that her son is reading well. His reading fluency is a year ahead, but he doesn’t understand anything he is reading. She asked if I had strategies that her son could use to improve his comprehension.

Growing up dyslexic, teachers spent hours working with me each week on reading strategies. In college, I decided to become a teacher and specialize in reading, so I could help others who struggled.  Here are the strategies that worked best for me, and I use in my classroom:

1. Ask questions- Teach your child to think about what they are reading. To do this, the child needs to take breaks from reading to ask questions. Main questions to ask: Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?

·         Who is the story about? (characters)

·         What happened in the story? (plot)

·         Where did the story take place? (setting)

·         When did this happen? (setting)

·         Why did the event happen? (plot)

·         How did the story end? (plot)

2. Annotating- Have the child highlight important information from the questions above. The child should also highlight main ideas in the paragraphs to show they are keeping track of what they are reading. If they have additional questions, they can write it in the margin of their page.

If the story comes with questions, have the child also highlight important words in the question along with the answers (or write paragraph numbers by the questions to show that they went back to the text to find the answer).

3. Re-read your annotations and form a summary- After reading the text, have the child go back through their notes to write a short summary on what they read.

I hope these strategies help improve your child’s reading. The best way to get a child to think about the text, and what they are reading is to model. I model at home by reading children’s books to my kids. After each page, I will ask a question. Showing them how to ask questions teaches them how to form questions when they are reading. This will help them learn how to think about what they read, so they will better comprehend the text.

So today, pick out a favorite book, snuggle close to your kiddo, and explore the fun world of reading and thinking about the text.

Sacrifice

Recently, a local business tried to host an “Autism Awareness/ Special Needs Night” for the community. The event allowed two hours at their facility. They said that parents would only need to pay if they were participating with their child. Parents that were spectators didn’t have to pay. Many Special Need’s Parents were upset about this. One mother wrote, “I do not get the option to be a spectator. I am a Special Needs Mom. I have to be right next to my child throughout the day. You do not understand the sacrifices we have to make for our children. To charge us extra when you are hosting a Special Need’s Night is crazy.”

The business ended up making some changes to the parent fee after listening to some parents, and apologized. But, this situation really made me realize that the outside world really has no idea how many sacrifices parents of Special Need’s Kids really make. So, I decided to touch base on a few:

1) Choice to work/ go to school

A lot of parents who have children with Special Needs choose not to work because of the child’s schedule and needs. Special Need’s Parents spend a lot of their time at therapy, doctor appointments, and providing care for their child. Recently, I had a friend who had to cut back on her work schedule and work part time, so she could be more involved in her child’s therapy. I had another friend take a break from pursuing her degree, so that, she could keep up with her daughter’s recent increase of doctor’s appointments and evaluations. Since my son started therapy, I had to stop consulting, writing curriculum, and speaking at teaching conventions. I decided that it was more important for me to continue his therapy over into our home and spend more time working with him. When my daughter was born and had Special Needs too, I no longer had the time to even consider picking it back up.

I have also known parents who had to work more and put their child in care of someone else, so they can afford to pay the entire medical and therapy bills. I was told by one mom that she wished she had the opportunity to be actively involved in her child’s therapy, but their family cannot afford it. She cried to me about the guilt she sometimes feels for not being as present as she wants to be.

2) Choice to move

            Moving is also not simple with a Special Need’s Child. When you have a child with Special Needs, you count on the whole community for help and support. You have support from therapy, team of doctors, and Special Need’s groups. Each state has different testing and considerations for funding. Moving requires starting over from scratch and rebuilding your community of support. It also requires taking a chance on funding and qualifying for therapy. Recently, one of my friends was asked why she didn’t just move to another state to try a new treatment for her son. Her answer was simple; she couldn’t uproot her support system. We also had battles with the choice to move. My husband has been offered promotions and different opportunities that he has declined because moving would not only uproot our support, but it would also risk our kids’ qualifications and funding.

3) Choice in schedule

            Special Needs Children have a tight schedule of therapies and doctor’s appointments. Even though we would rather be doing something else, if we did, then we would miss time on our child’s treatment. Special Need’s Kids also need more structure than the typical child, and do not adapt well to change. If we want to see our child progressing, we do not have much choice in our schedule. We have to get the therapy times available and work our lives around our child’s treatment times.

4) Choice to be a spectator

            Depending upon a child’s needs a parent might not have a choice to be a spectator. The child might need support moving around, balancing, changing surfaces, or communicating with others. The child might also need support for their behavior or responding to others or different situations.

5) Choice in bills

            Not all therapy, evaluations, and medical equipment is covered by insurance. A lot of Special Need’s Parents pay out of pocket for services and equipment that they believe will help their child. Supporting a Special Needs child can get expensive.

6) Choice in free time

The most important one is probably making time for themselves. It is so important for Special Need’s Parents to make some time for them. One of the best ways you can help support a Special Need’s Family is to help the parents have some free time.

 

Special Need’s Parents make sacrifices daily for their children. But every one of these parents would say that it is worth it to watch their child blossom and grow. I think that is why each milestone reached and each new accomplishment, no matter how small, is extremely significant because of the sacrifice made to get there.

Helping Your Child with Reading

This week I had two friends ask about reading, and how they can help their child at home. One of my friends expressed how parent/ teacher conferences were so hard because she didn’t understand everything the teacher was discussing. After talking to her, I thought it would be great for me to simplify reading, so parents can help their children at home.

One of the best programs out there for learning beginning reading skills (Pre-K to 1^st grade) is called Preschool Prep Company. This company has developed DVD’s, books, flashcards and activities that help provide a great foundation for decoding, phonics, phonemic awareness, and sight words. If you do not feel confident in helping your child, you can always start with that program. If you do feel confident, here is a list of skills a child needs for reading:

1 ) Decoding- skills used to figure out a word such as: word attack skills/ learning how to sound out a word (phonics), using context clues

·         Learn letters and their sounds

·         Build from single letter to a word

·         Look at word families

·         Look at clusters of sounds (break the word a part)

·         Look at words around the word

·         Look at pictures

·         Use knowledge of similar words to figure out a word

2) Phonics- learning to read by sounds or clusters of sounds

·         Learn letters and their sounds

·         Learn clusters of sounds

·         Use knowledge of sounds to sound out words

3) Phonemic Awareness- ability to notice, think about, and say sounds of words.

·         Learn letters and their sounds

·         Learn clusters of sounds

·         Use knowledge of sounds to sound out words

·         Learn how to rhyme/ form word families

·         Explain rhyming and give an example

·         Notice words that rhyme

4) Sight Words- words that are memorized by sight/ most cannot be sounded out

·         List of sight words can be found on the Dolch website: http://www.dolchsightwords.org/ another great source is Fry’s 1,000 high frequency words

·         Make a word wall at home on a poster board. Add a word every couple days. Practice words every night.

 

To develop these skills, you would start with working on one objective, such as, learn letters and their sounds. With each objective you want to: model, work on it together, and then have them do it by themselves:

I would break that objective down to one letter a day. You would introduce the letter, talk about its sound. Read a book about that letter. Then do activities, such as have the child write the letter, draw pictures that start with that letter, or find/ cut out / glue pictures that start with that letter.

Once the child has a basic foundation of the objectives above, the child needs to be reading on their independent level (child can read page with zero to one mistake) and modeled reading through an instructional level (child can read passage with no more than four to five mistakes). During modeled reading, you are reading to your child, pointing at words and checking for comprehension by asking questions (such as Who? What? Where? When? Why? How?). The child doesn’t read to you on an instructional level because it is too hard, can cause frustration, and they are unable to comprehend because they are too focused on using their reading skills to solve words. A great website for read aloud books is www.starfall.com. This site reads to your child while highlighting words that are being said.

I hope this helps you, as you navigate your child through the wonderful world of literacy. One of the best quotes I ever heard was, “No greater treasure will there ever be than having a parent read to me.” Spending one on one time with your child’s reading can make a big difference. I hope this helps you know where to start.

The Power of a Horse

The place that my son does Equine Therapy holds an annual Barn Dance and Horse Auction fundraiser where horses used in the therapeutic program are auctioned for a sponsorship. During the auction, a parent of a rider will speak on behalf of the horse their child rides. Yesterday, I was asked to speak on behalf of the horse that my child rides weekly. To fully explain the power of this program, I would have to start from the beginning.

When my child was born, I had read all of the books to prepare me for mommy hood. I had bought all of the equipment and baby products including a big container of Germ-x. I also made sure we made it to all of his appointments, where the doctor would tell me that he was mastering milestones ahead of time. By one year old, he had 12 words and he was putting words together by 14 months. Then, in a rapid turn of events, he got sick with RSV which turned into Pneumonia. Once he gained his health back, we noticed that he lost his language skills and began to withdraw. Being a teacher, I knew early intervention was the key. After evaluations, we found out that my son needed therapy for his language development and developmental delays.

I came upon Horses for Healing at a booth during Bentonville’s “First Friday”. I immediately was drawn to it because horses were used as a tool for therapy. My son has always had a close connection with animals. I knew it would be a perfect fit.

For two years now he has worked with the horses. Riding has helped him develop strength, coordination, and has improved his social skills. This year he started skipping and galloping for the first time, something he has longed to do with his peers. He also has gained strength to sit in a chair without propping himself up. Interacting with the staff, volunteers, and horse has helped him with making eye contact and has made him more comfortable with social interactions.

Last night, my son was having a hard night. He was tired and overwhelmed with change that had recently occurred. In the beginning of the ride, he could barely get his words out. At the end of the ride, he was calm and speaking in conversation. He got off of his horse with a huge smile. Watching the power of a horse to transform your child’s mood and help them be able to organize their thoughts into speech is a powerful experience. It was one of our best nights so far.

Teaching Your Child to Stand Up for Themselves

Socialization has always been a struggle for us. Both of my kids have a hard time with it. As they are starting to improve socially, we are encountering bullying.

My daughter has been hit and scratched. She is an easy target since she won’t make noise when this happens, and freezes still.

Kids have done the same thing to my son. He has been pushed, kicked, punched, and teased for being a baby. When this happens, he will freeze, run away, or not notice it because doesn’t understand that the kids are being mean.

My husband and I have been working with both of our kids at home on standing up for themselves and others who are bullied. The things we are teaching them are starting to help them. Here is what we have taught:

1.     Special Phrase- since my kids freeze and have a hard time expressing themselves, we have come up with special phrases for them to say. We role play saying these phrases and practice them often. Our phrases included: “stop that”, “no”, or “mean friend”.

 Older kids could question the bully (Why would you _______?) , or use their words to express what they don’t like (I don’t like it when you ________ ),and what they want (I want you to ____).

 

2.     Act Assertive- we teach our children to stand tall and confident when talking to the bully and use a “strong” voice when saying the special phrase

 

3.     Walk Away (to a safe spot)-  bullies feed off of a kid’s reaction. If the bully is not responding to the special phrase, we teach our children to walk away to a safe spot.

 

4.     Know Where To Go- we talk to them a lot about seeking help and telling someone what is going on. We reinforce the importance of telling the teacher, therapist, daddy, or mommy.

 

5.     Help Others- If our child sees someone being threatened by a bully, we tell them that it is nice to stand up for them.  Our children have been taught to stand up for others by standing by them, saying the “special phrase”, or going to get help.

 

6.     Avoid bullies- We teach our kids not to put themselves in places where a bully has an advantage. Stay within sight of others who can help you.

 

7.     Protect Yourself- Last, we teach our children that if someone starts hitting or physically attacking you, and there is no other choice, you must defend yourself. I honestly hope a situation never comes to this. I hate violence, but I do not ever want my child in fetal position on the ground getting beat up. Because I never learned how to protect myself, I was hurt badly by a crazy woman with road rage. I could have been killed if someone didn’t step-in to help me while she was choking me. I froze when I was attacked. I guess this is because I was taught to always turn the other cheek, but there are times when that is not an option.

What has helped my kids the most is practice. You have to role play situations so they know how to respond. This will help they learn how to think for themselves in these situations. It scares me to think that one of my children will be in school next year in situations where I am not present, but I am hoping that our practice will pay off.