Teaching Your Child to Stand Up for Themselves

Socialization has always been a struggle for us. Both of my kids have a hard time with it. As they are starting to improve socially, we are encountering bullying.

My daughter has been hit and scratched. She is an easy target since she won’t make noise when this happens, and freezes still.

Kids have done the same thing to my son. He has been pushed, kicked, punched, and teased for being a baby. When this happens, he will freeze, run away, or not notice it because doesn’t understand that the kids are being mean.

My husband and I have been working with both of our kids at home on standing up for themselves and others who are bullied. The things we are teaching them are starting to help them. Here is what we have taught:

1.     Special Phrase- since my kids freeze and have a hard time expressing themselves, we have come up with special phrases for them to say. We role play saying these phrases and practice them often. Our phrases included: “stop that”, “no”, or “mean friend”.

 Older kids could question the bully (Why would you _______?) , or use their words to express what they don’t like (I don’t like it when you ________ ),and what they want (I want you to ____).

 

2.     Act Assertive- we teach our children to stand tall and confident when talking to the bully and use a “strong” voice when saying the special phrase

 

3.     Walk Away (to a safe spot)-  bullies feed off of a kid’s reaction. If the bully is not responding to the special phrase, we teach our children to walk away to a safe spot.

 

4.     Know Where To Go- we talk to them a lot about seeking help and telling someone what is going on. We reinforce the importance of telling the teacher, therapist, daddy, or mommy.

 

5.     Help Others- If our child sees someone being threatened by a bully, we tell them that it is nice to stand up for them.  Our children have been taught to stand up for others by standing by them, saying the “special phrase”, or going to get help.

 

6.     Avoid bullies- We teach our kids not to put themselves in places where a bully has an advantage. Stay within sight of others who can help you.

 

7.     Protect Yourself- Last, we teach our children that if someone starts hitting or physically attacking you, and there is no other choice, you must defend yourself. I honestly hope a situation never comes to this. I hate violence, but I do not ever want my child in fetal position on the ground getting beat up. Because I never learned how to protect myself, I was hurt badly by a crazy woman with road rage. I could have been killed if someone didn’t step-in to help me while she was choking me. I froze when I was attacked. I guess this is because I was taught to always turn the other cheek, but there are times when that is not an option.

What has helped my kids the most is practice. You have to role play situations so they know how to respond. This will help they learn how to think for themselves in these situations. It scares me to think that one of my children will be in school next year in situations where I am not present, but I am hoping that our practice will pay off.