The Heartache of Comparison

I do not know why I do it. It might be the teacher in me trying to constantly assess my child, but I am constantly comparing my child to others. I didn’t always do this. I remember when my son was young, and I didn’t worry about other children. I just focused on him. Then, he got sick, and things quickly changed. Doctors and therapists would ask me questions about my child’s abilities. I remember discussing those questions with family members who told me to start noticing what other kids were doing. After that, I think I got obsessed with comparing.

Last week, I even found myself staring at this stupid sticker chart in my son’s class looking at how all the other kids had several stickers and my child had one. I even went so far as to ask a mother (whose child had the most stickers) what she was doing at home to help her child excel academically. Her response, “Nothing.”  I wanted to go sit in my car and cry because we go to therapy and spend time every day working on skills. Why does it have to be so hard for my child and so easy for others? Why do I get so stressed out about performance?

It isn’t healthy for me or my child. My child is happy and healthy. He could care less about the sticker chart. Every day he gives his best with a sweet smile. I should focus more on his unique talents, interests, and strengths, then what others are doing.

 I also need to form realistic expectations and goals. When my child accomplishes the goal or meets an expectation at his own pace, I need to celebrate him.

Yesterday, his teacher told me he earned another sticker on his sticker chart. For once, I didn’t stop to look how many stickers the others kids got that day. I picked up my child and gave him a big hug and told him we were going out for ice cream. It was a good day.