Helping Your Child with Anxiety

Both of my children suffer from anxiety. Both of them: cling to me and cry during separation, they are very shy, they avoid different places due to sounds and crowds, and they sometimes complain about their tummy hurting because they are scared. I hate seeing my children controlled by fear. These strategies help us when we encounter anxiety:

1.     Find the source of the anxiety- To be able to help your child work through their anxiety, you first need to find out what is causing the anxiety and why. After you find out the source, empathize with your child and address their concerns.

 

2.     Talk to them- If I know we are about to do an activity that might bring about anxiety, we talk to our children to prepare them.  It makes them feel better to know what is about to come. For example, I address my children's separation anxiety like this: We are on our way to therapy. Today I will drop you off for two hours. We can do a five second hug, and then you need to go with your therapist. Mommy will always be there to pick you up. I will never leave you. Mommy loves you so much.

 

3.     Remind them of expectations- We set expectations for our children to help guide them. For example, when my children are getting anxious about separating from me to go to therapy, they know that we can do a five second hug. After I count to five, they know the expectation is to let go and go with their therapist. This routine helps them.

 

4.     Tell them to take deep breaths- Deep breaths are very calming and can help them work through their anxiety. When my children are becoming very anxious, I remind them to take deep breaths and that they are okay.

 

5.     Give your child something to relax him or her- Giving your child a tool, can provide comfort and calm the fear. There are many objects you can give a child to help calm them when they feel anxious. These objects include: fidgets, chewy stixx/ tubes/ jewelry, noise reducing head phones, calming sensory bottles, gum, sour spray, and hard candy. I have also found that my phone or tablet can help redirect their focus in crowded places when they feel anxious.

 

6.     Reward your child when they are brave- We talk a lot about how it is important to face our fears and not let our fears control us. When they show us that they are facing their fears and working through their fears, we reward them with praise and sometimes a treat.

Anxiety is not easy to face, but over time your child, with your help, will learn the tools to cope with it. Just gradually help them face their fears, explore their surroundings, and take control of the situation. Do not force them to do anything; forcing them, can make it worse. Also, if you shelter them from their fears, it can magnify them. By helping your child feel in control of their surroundings, they will do much better. For example: our children have a hard time with crowds and socialization, so we will take them to playgrounds to help them work through it using the strategies above. They are now feeling more comfortable in play settings.

If your child’s anxiety is taking over their life, think about getting professional help. An expert can determine if your child needs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/ or medication.