Constantly Holding and Carrying My Children

My kids are 2 1/2 and 5 and their favorite thing to say is “hold me”. I absolutely love holding my children. I know they will not be little forever, but I do not want to create children who are dependent on me. I want them to be independent.

Both of my children have SPD and that makes them crave being held.

·         My son wants to be held when he is over-stimulated and anxious (Over-stimulated means that he is taking in too much at a time). It usually happens for him in crowded places where there is a lot of movement or noise

·         My daughter wants to be held when she is struggling with sensory defensiveness. Sensory defensiveness is a negative reaction to touch, smell, taste or sound. She absolutely dislikes people touching her or even looking at her. She wants to be held in crowds, so people are less likely to touch and interact with her. Being held makes her feel safe since crowds also produce a lot of noise.

Carrying my children also gives my two children (who have decreased core strength) the opportunity to take a break from walking since they both tire easily doing physical activity.

The problem is that I can’t hold both kids at the same time, and I want to increase their independence. So what do I do?

1.      We go to therapy. PT helps strengthen their muscles and OT helps with their sensory needs

2.      I encourage them to walk as much as they can, and I do activities at home to improve their strength

3.      I try to meet their sensory need with special needs tools (head phones, chewy tube, compression vest ) or remove them from the over-stimulating place

BUT sometimes I honestly just carry them. I realize how much carrying my kids helps calm them and meet their sensory need. Carrying them gives them deep pressure which in return regulates their system.  Once the need is met and they feel safe, they can independently function.  

Trying to find a good balance between teaching independence, helping your child work through it, and meeting their needs is rough. But I hang in there because each day, each month, each year, it gets a little easier. They will not want to be held and carried forever.