Some Days It Is Just Hard

Tonight we went to a friend’s 5th birthday party. My son was excited about going to the party until we got there. Once we walked into the Little Gym, everything changed. Even though he knew the setting, coaches, birthday girl, and two friends, the other twelve children running around screaming, and a crowded lobby full of parents (that he didn’t know) talking threw him off. He froze and couldn’t walk into the gym. I immediately grabbed his chewy stick and started giving him deep pressure. I encouraged him to take deep breaths and tried to calm him down, so we could walk into the gym. After ten minutes, we walked into the gym. He clung to my leg like he was holding on for his life. The coaches started circling the children up. My son wouldn’t join the circle no matter how many times people called his name. He instead hid behind me. After introductions, the coaches got out bubbles and balls. My son grabbed the balls and headed for the corner. At this point, I was a little encouraged that he finally separated from me. Then, it happened. A kid went to the coach to tell them that the boy in the corner has three balls and is a ball hog. I then went and asked my son for a ball, and he nicely gave one up for that little boy (thank goodness). A few minutes later the coaches had the kids put the balls up. I was so happy that my son was able to walk through the crowd to put up his two balls. The coaches then got out the air mat and told the kids to go lie down on the mat and wait for it to blow up. I was thrilled that my son got onto the mat, but then another boy next to him didn’t want to be by him because he was weird with something in his mouth. Another child shuffled over to fill the space, but the harm was already done. My son really didn’t think much of it, but I hurt enough for the both of us. After this happened, we had 45 minutes left of that party, but I don't recall much more because I was so hurt.

It is so hard when others just don’t understand. When they don’t get how great it was for him to even be in there trying to participate. Kids can be so mean because they do not have filters. The hard part is that I know this is only the beginning. It is going to get harder as he ages. He will have to find non- noticeable coping strategies, suffer, or be bullied. When I think about this, it kills me. Even though I know I am doing everything I can do to help him and even though we are making great progress, there are days when I ask myself if I am doing enough. I know I am not the only one. I know that others have days like this too, when you start focusing on the bad and not the blessings.

 

 So tonight after the party, I made a choice. I decided to stop thinking about the bad. As I drove away from the party with tears in my eyes, I told my son how proud I was of him. I told him that he had great courage to go in and be part of a group that he didn’t know. I bragged to him about the things he did participate in. By the time we got home, all of the bad went away. I got him out of the car and gave him a huge hug and kiss. Then, I thanked God for blessing me with the sweetest boy in the whole world and for making me his lucky mommy.