Your Child’s Diagnosis is Not Your Fault

Last week, one of my friend’s sons got a new diagnosis. As she poured out her fears and their plan, she also talked about feeling guilty. I totally could relate, and I would bet that a lot of special needs parents go through this stage of feeling guilty. It is just part of the process of grief to acceptance.

When my son lost all language soon after his first birthday, I totally blamed myself for his delays. I blamed myself for his hard delivery. I blamed myself for his illnesses (because I should have protected him more from germs). I blamed myself in case it was hereditary. And then when my daughter became sensory defensive and couldn’t handle touch, I blamed myself for not giving her enough skin to skin (since I couldn’t breast feed her).

I would lie in bed crying and feeling horrible until I realized the truth. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. Sometimes life throws us some twists and turns that are unexpected and unexplainable. I realized that I could sit and wonder “Why me?”, “Why my children?”, or “How could I have prevented this?” But, that would mean I would be stuck in the past or in the present dwelling in sorrow. Instead, I choose to focus forward on the plan and live day to day working towards goals to help my children.

Everyone reacts differently to the news of a diagnosis. It can truly be a time of emotional turmoil. Just know that it is very unlikely that you did something to cause this even if it is hereditary. You cannot help your genes!  The emotions you are feeling are natural. You are not alone.

 

As I sat in the waiting room talking to this mom, I as well as another mom also shared our stories of guilt. I hope it made her feel better to know that she is not alone. I also really hope that she realized that it is not her fault.

 If you are having a hard time working through this, please find a support group, counselor, or a friend that you can talk to. Do not isolate yourself. Please take care of yourself, so you can be at your best for your child.