Help Regulate Your Child’s Emotions

Everyone has experienced times when we let our emotions get the best of us, and we get caught up in “the moment”. After that happens, we usually evaluate what happened, and try to prevent it from happening again.

Children, just like adults, can get caught up in the moment. However, for some special needs children who “feel” more than the average child, getting caught up in the moment can lead to extreme behavior. To help change their extreme reactions to their emotions, it is important for us to teach our children about emotions, and how to express our emotions in a beneficial way instead of in a hurtful and impulsive way.  

Here are some helpful tips to help your child regulate their emotions:

1.     Talk about the emotion and cause: Have your child openly talk about what they are feeling, and let your child know that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors caused by feelings are acceptable. Ask:  How do you feel? or What are you feeling?  If your child has a hard time expressing what they are feeling, you can show them a feeling/ emotions chart with pictures of people’s faces. Have them point to the picture that shows what they feel. Next, see if you can find the cause of that emotion. For example, your child might point to the angry face and say, “She took my toy.”

 

2.     Validate child's emotions: State your child’s feeling, so they know you were listening, and try to understand what they are feeling (validate them). For example, tell your child, “You said you feel mad because your sister is playing with your toy. It can be upsetting when someone has something that is yours.”

 

3.     Problem solve healthy responses: Help your child generate acceptable behavior solutions to the feelings. For example, say, “I know you are mad. How can you get your angry feelings out?” Then brainstorm together:  “You could bite, stomp around, yell, cry, hit, exercise, or go to a cool off zone.” Last, discuss the healthiest options. If you have trouble with brainstorming, you can try a social story, and discuss what the character did with their emotion. Here are some stories I recommend: “Double Dip Feelings” by Barbara Cain, “Happy Sad Jealous Mad” by Jo Browning, “The Pigeon Has Feeling Too” by Mo Williams, “Feeling to Share from A to Z” by Todd Snow, “Is My Face Red” by Naomi Kleinburg, “Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst, and “Sometimes I feel Sunny” by Gillian Shields. Another way to help a child brainstorm is through acting it out. You can do this through puppets, dolls, or with each other.

 

4.     Visuals: Charts are great reminders for children. Create a chart to remind child how to act when feeling a certain emotions. You might want to include pictures too. For fun, you can take pictures of your child acting out that emotion for the chart:

 

Emotion	Unacceptable Behavior	Acceptable Behavior
Anger	Biting someone, hitting someone, yelling at someone, throw a fit, throw objects, stomp around	Use your words, go to a cool off zone for alone time to calm down, bite a chewy stick/ chew on gum, hit a pillow, exercise, deep breathing, draw a picture or write about feelings
Scared	Biting someone, hitting someone, run away, vomit/ make self sick, throw a fit	Use your words, go to a safe place for some alone time to calm down, bite a chewy stick/ chew on gum, deep breathing, thinking positive “I can do this”, visualization, draw a picture or write about feelings
Excitement	Running around screaming, repetitive movements (spinning/ jumping), uncontrollable laughter, throwing things	Use your words, have a place for child to get the excitement out for one to two minutes the child can jump or shake body (we use a carpet square), deep breathing, chew on chewy stick/ gum, draw a picture or write about feelings
Disappointment	Biting, hitting, kicking, throwing things, throw a fit	Hugs, cry, remind self of strengths or focus on the positive, chew on chewy stick/ gum, draw a picture or write about feelings
Jealousy	Taking away something that is not yours, biting, hitting, kicking, throwing things	Remind self of blessings, earn or save for item wanted, focus mind on something else

 

 Teaching your child how to respond to their emotions is very important. Always remember that your child is always watching you to see how you will respond to your emotions, so it is important to model what you expect by setting the example and using encouraging words to praise their good behavior.

If you continue to have difficulty helping your child work through their emotions, you might need to seek professional help with a counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist.  If you want to try an at home program first, there is a series that has great reviews called “Gottman Emotion Coaching Series”.